Saturday, March 14, 2009


Okay, I might have my first nervous breakdown today.

I'm just so effing tired. In spite of my glorious post on Rational Moms about our victorious sleep training and my decision to side with mainstream parents across the US, um, we SUCK at sleep training, and we're pushovers. We give in to every demand.

Tekla came over to babysit last night, and Jeff and I went to see the Watchmen. We knew it would be dicey, because the night before, Zack had a full on freak out when he did his hour after bed time wakeup. I warned Tek. She's a pro, so she asked a great question: how long should she let the boy cry before calling me?

And I said, hey, if you're uncomfortable, call. No minimum time requirement.

I can't say I'm sorry she called, because the Watchmen was the most violent, disturbing crap I've ever sat through. There were a lot of shots of cute buttocks, though, if you're into that. And some full frontal male nudity. I guess you can show a big, blue atomic guy's weinie now. I guess the MPAA is okay with it. They didn't show it when the big, blue atomic guy was the size of a house--just when he was our size, so hey, it's fine.

Zack woke up to eat last night, and Jeff brought him into our room. And his diaper leaked all over the mattress. So we had to change him, and he completely, totally blew his top. That is just NOT how it gets done at our place, most of the time. You don't tear the baby away from the boob mid meal, at two in the morning. I mean, what was THAT ABOUT????!!!! Sheer outrage. We tried various calming techniques as Jeff attempted to squeeze the little sausage into his size 12 month PJs. NO EFFING DICE.

At one point, we stood him up just to see if we could wrangle his wriggly hands into his sleeves, and he started twisting his body around to see if he could get his wailing mouth any closer to the Mommy prize.

So traumatic!

And Tek fed him all the milk last night, so although I tried to pump, I could not catch up. I have not been able to stay ahead of him, have no frozen supply, since month five or something.

I really envy my friends whose babies just decided they were not interested in breast milk at nine months old. Zack will be at it until he's five, if we let him.

And the way things are going, won't we just let him??? We are really not very forceful about much. I woke up with him in the futon again today, swapped places so Jeff could keep him company, and now they are coming to visit me at work, so we don't have to give Zack formula. And...I'm pumping while I write this!

We are trying to not give Zack formula because we think it really might bother his eczema. But I'm philosophically fine with formula. Even though for some odd reason, it's a huge challenge to my ego whenever the kid gets even an ounce of it.

So I may as well give it up. I thought I was a sleep training, baby in the crib, formula loving, modern mom. But let's face it, I'm a breast feeding and co-sleeping mom, and I may never sleep through the night again!


Dana's Brain said...

Oh honey. You know I am all for the whatever works best for your family philosophy - just promise me to remember what it was like when you had those times of freedom. And maybe see if you can work some of it back into your lives.

However! You have been dealing with a tsunami of shit lately, so don't be hard on yourself unnecessarily for letting it all slide! Because I do really believe in that philosophy...

Anonymous said...

It's all going to be OK. hell, it already is OK, you just have to adjust! No new habit is 100% solid all the time. Z had a wonky few days. You adjusted to meet his needs. When the two of you (3 of you) are on more stable footing, you'll approach sleep training again and he'll pick it right up. It's a habit that he's reinforced plenty of times.

As my brilliant stepmother says when I call her in a black bottom like this, "Honey, put down the whip." Vivi is 21 mths old, still likes to nurse, woke up screaming last night at 1:30 and didn't settle until 5am. In her sister's bed. With her dad and six stuffed animals. And a sippy cup of milk. All shall be well!--Love, Ashley